(where to put the title?)

I'm afraid of life. There is like so many things that I don't know YET. I don't know how to choose(make decision), whether this one or this one. They asked me to do this, this this this this this this this this this sssss and this, well I did, then, they blamed me . I'm getting more confused as time goes on. I ignored people who love me and I loved people who ignore me . Heh stress. It got more confused when someone or some2 or some3 or wateve used to closed with me and they leaved me cemtu je . oh this is life.......... anything could happen oh oh oh owh. I feel stuck so stuck. People make fun of me and I make fun of myself. They mad at me but please people I'VE TRIED. Everytime when I try my best for something, "I can do this yes I can I CAN ohhhh cool this is fun".. but then... tettt nothing lucky happens. Sometimes I feel like my friends don't REALLY like me . Maybe I'm a dork... People just don't know people (if they know what i mean). When I wanted to stay away with someone, they keep closing and they keep they keep they keep they keep they keeeeeeepppp and at the end they invisible.
I get up in the morning and I do my best. Sometimes it is good but sometimes not. 'I try to be nice and friendly to people but sometimes they take advantage of that.' Every time I start to do that, people get tired of me and leave and I'm left alone and start to fall again. Everyday every time every hour every minute every second, I make mistakes. Like A LOT K. I feel bad, I feel sad, I feel down. Depression is the hardest thing I have ever faced. They said when you sick, it is time you to meet the doctor. But the doctor said my pain isn't major so he can't help me. o. Huhu. All my thoughts make me crazy.. 'I need someone helping to give me confidence in myself when I start to feel doubt.' My bestfriend said "don't let your mood control your mind". But yesterday when I asked you, you ignored me. When I waited you, you ignored me When I talked to you, you ignored me. iSadlikeSosad. I'm so so so so so so sorry. I feel guilty all the time. Maybe I don't treat you well. I'm sorry that I'm not good enough for you and sorry if I never am. I'm sorry if you feel bad to be my friend. So many thoughts in my head. Who knows you're going to leave me...... and get a new friend. 'best friend'. Then we're not close anyMORE. How could I stop my tears from falling. I swear you're always there for me. I really feel that I'm going to lose my best friend. So before it is too late, either you read this or not, what I'm going to say now is PLEASE STAY and don't make friends... because I'm your friend.. I'm your best friend... I'm your enemy.... I'm your annoying friend, I'm your stupid friend, I'm your comel friend sikit. I'm your blur friend, I'm your 'short' friend. When I wanted to stand close with you , you just like keep staying away with me. Camne tak sedih....