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Today was fine. Until when I came home from Negeri Sembilan, everything is wrong for me. I REALLY HATE IF SOMEONE COME INTO MY ROOM AND CLEAN IT, THAT MEANS THEY TOUCH MY THINGS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. I'm sorry but I know how to clean my room. I guess everyone in the house know that I did not like anybody to touch my things. I just afraid if my things will loss or what. I do not care if you want to use my things but please use with my permission.
So today I cried LOUDLY (i don't think it was loud actually) because I really got mad because someone just entered my room and cleaned it.tq. BUT WHY. I cry because that is the way I throw away all the serabut in my mind. I guess I did not kacau anyone. But then, my sister came (all of sudden) then shouted loudly at my face. WHAT THE **** SHE'S TRYING TO DO!. I was really not in the mood. Then I answered back with the same thing she did to me. why did i did that. no, why did she did that. I think you can speak properly. coz I never did that when you're not in the mood. She wanted to punch me. So go on with your niat. GO ON! Then she said "kau menyusahkan keluarga, aku dah lama tak suka kau, dahla menyusahkan ibu and blabla" what a lebly words she said. I'M VERY VERY DISAPPOINTED WITH HER. SHE IS THE ONE WHO USED MOM'S MONEY FOR HER OWN BENEFITS. SHE BOUGHT ANYTHING AND SHE IS SO BOROS. I'M THE ONE HERE WHO ALWAYS SEARCHING FOR MONEY IN MY OWN TABUNG , SOMETIMES WE HERE NEED TO SAVE BUDGET BECAUSE OF HER. AND I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO ALWAYS HELP MOM BECAUSE SHE IS NOT HERE TO HELP MOM AND WHEN SHE IS HOME, SHE WOULD GO OUT WITH HER FRIENDS OR SLEEP ALL DAY IN HER ROOM WHILE SKYPING WITH HER FRIEND USING MY LAPTOP. To be honest, I have sacrifice a lot for her... But now, my respect to her is really going down. If you're smart in school, that doesn't mean you're smart in anything you do. 

em

I'm afraid of getting old coz I don't want to hurt people's feeling. It isn't easy being a teenager these days. I'm 5teen and gonna be 6teen in october. So many things that I need to learn. So many type of people I found. Some are fake and some are real. We judged people like we own the world.
Sometimes I act weird, not because I'm weird, it's because I'M WEIRDO ha ha no it's because I feel awkward, AWKWARD.  I'm 16 and I don't know what I best at. Em, I'm just the worst at everything. I mean I'm the best at being the worst at everything. ua I DON'T EVEN KNOW MYSELF.
I just wanted to make myself invisible because no one needs me and I don't want to see people who I .....aaaa  with somebody that I don't know. hihi. I can't em, I can't say no to what (the person) want coz that's not my life.

It's hard to forget people who gave me so much to remember.

Don't tell people.

Lately I get so annoyed with people around me. They're like strangers for me. Well I thought we're going to be something like 'a better person?' kan.. But now what? Seriously we're annoying than they are. Bukan apa.. I just feel regret not having a new school. Actually malas dah nak cakap pasal orang ke pe ke. Semua terpengaruh, takde niat. But seriously, how can I stop myself from semua benda (lagha) ni, I just can only stay away from you guys. They said this and this but they did and they didn't realize it. Yes, it's including me. I'm not saying that I'm not selfish or what, it's just so unbelievable, YOU'RE SO SELFISH THAN I AM like oh man I'm so shocked with that. When we go study to another country or another school, we'll find so many type of people, you need to know that, whatever happens pun you need to fight with them . If you don't want people do "that" to you, why don't you stop making people like "that". I don't like no I mean I like him as a friend, but I don't like him because he's so rude with teachers..tu je, yang lain okay because he's he. We want they respect us, but WE DIDN'T RESPECT THEM AT ALL. THAT IS NOT OUR SCHOOL. We just old yes old... For me if I don't like their ways, takkanla semua nak ikut my ways plk, so I just can fix my ways and their ways to a way that I loved. No hate but love. Macam budak sebelah kanan luq hihihi HAHAHA

(where to put the title?)

I'm afraid of life. There is like so many things that I don't know YET. I don't know how to choose(make decision), whether this one or this one. They asked me to do this, this this this this this this this this this sssss and this, well I did, then, they blamed me . I'm getting more confused as time goes on. I ignored people who love me and I loved people who ignore me . Heh stress. It got more confused when someone or some2 or some3 or wateve used to closed with me and they leaved me cemtu je . oh this is life.......... anything could happen oh oh oh owh. I feel stuck so stuck. People make fun of me and I make fun of myself. They mad at me but please people I'VE TRIED. Everytime when I try my best for something, "I can do this yes I can I CAN ohhhh cool this is fun".. but then... tettt nothing lucky happens. Sometimes I feel like my friends don't REALLY like me . Maybe I'm a dork... People just don't know people (if they know what i mean). When I wanted to stay away with someone, they keep closing and they keep they keep they keep they keep they keeeeeeepppp and at the end they invisible.
I get up in the morning and I do my best. Sometimes it is good but sometimes not. 'I try to be nice and friendly to people but sometimes they take advantage of that.' Every time I start to do that, people get tired of me and leave and I'm left alone and start to fall again. Everyday every time every hour every minute every second, I make mistakes. Like A LOT K. I feel bad, I feel sad, I feel down. Depression is the hardest thing I have ever faced. They said when you sick, it is time you to meet the doctor. But the doctor said my pain isn't major so he can't help me. o. Huhu. All my thoughts make me crazy.. 'I need someone helping to give me confidence in myself when I start to feel doubt.' My bestfriend said "don't let your mood control your mind". But yesterday when I asked you, you ignored me. When I waited you, you ignored me When I talked to you, you ignored me. iSadlikeSosad. I'm so so so so so so sorry. I feel guilty all the time. Maybe I don't treat you well. I'm sorry that I'm not good enough for you and sorry if I never am. I'm sorry if you feel bad to be my friend. So many thoughts in my head. Who knows you're going to leave me...... and get a new friend. 'best friend'. Then we're not close anyMORE. How could I stop my tears from falling. I swear you're always there for me. I really feel that I'm going to lose my best friend. So before it is too late, either you read this or not, what I'm going to say now is PLEASE STAY and don't make friends... because I'm your friend.. I'm your best friend... I'm your enemy.... I'm your annoying friend, I'm your stupid friend, I'm your comel friend sikit. I'm your blur friend, I'm your 'short' friend. When I wanted to stand close with you , you just like keep staying away with me. Camne tak sedih....